Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Best of the Bible Belt: T-Shirt Edition

There is a certain t-shirt company with a prolific following here in north Louisiana... they make shirts using the timeless combination of jarringly bright colors (lime green, hot pink, gouge-my-eyes-out-with-a-spoon orange, etc) and ridiculous, "country girl" catchphrases... Here are just a few:

I'm a 4-wheeler ridin', mud-slingin', camo-wearin' kinda girl!

If I can't wear my flip-flops I ain't goin'!

Pink ain't just a color, it's an attitude!

I'm a Bible totin', Devil stompin', faith walkin' kinda girl!

I'm a cell phone talkin', text messagin', Facebook chattin', southern sassin' kinda girl!

CINDERELLA IS PROOF THAT A PAIR OF SHOES AND A REALLY CUTE GUY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE OMG LOLZ. (Ok, so the caps-lock and the "OMG LOLZ" is mine--but you get the picture, right?)

Every time I see one of these t-shirts (which is at least a few times a day), I imagine Paula Deen reading the ridiculous sayings plastered on them and then I get all pissy because these shirts are one of the few things that can really set my blood boiling. I know it's totally irrational, but it's just one of my pet peeves. I've never seen less thought put into designing clothing. Their typical formula: I'm a blank blankin', blank blankin', blank blankin' (repeated ad nauseum) kinda girl!

And the worst part is that everyone loves these shirts. Everywhere you go,  these shirts are clinging to girls in ratty flip-flops and Daisy Dukes. Them down-home, corn-fed, Jesus lovin' country girls eat this shit up!

I want to special order one just for me in radioactive cyan blue that proudly proclaims: I'm an evolution lovin', knowledge seekin', deity disbelievin' rational kinda girl (complete with a bedazzled picture of Charles Darwin that looks like a pixie threw up on it)... But somehow that sounds even more ridiculous than the shirts they actually do offer for sale (but just barely).

Okay, rant over. I just needed to get that out of my system haha. :] Console me, and tell me that Louisiana isn't the only state with an overabundance of these terrible t-shirts?


  1. Okay , yeah those shirts are really popular down here too. Especially where my boyfriend Brandon lives. *snicker*

  2. A large part of me wishes you were joking about these T-shirts ... the rest of me can't wish because it's too busy crying over the knowledge that you're not.