Today marks three beautiful months that I've been dating my best friend. :] I know that's not very long, but he and I have been an inseparable force since middle school so I'm allowed to be a big sappy sap over this.
Since I finally came to the conclusion that I'm an atheist, I've had to do some tough things. As many of you who've deconverted from theism know... it's about the farthest thing from easy, especially if most of the people you know--most of the people you love--are theists. But you know what? I've done the hard things anyway because I've recently developed an extremely low tolerance for bullshit, especially the bullshit that spews out of my own mouth. I believe I can thank my atheism for that, haha.
So I sucked it up, and I told my hardcore Christian best friend that I didn't believe in god anymore. And yeah, sending him a Facebook message to let him know was probably a bit of a cop-out on my part, but hitting that send button was freakin' tough. And I did the same thing to the college minister to let him know that I was utterly incapable of continuing my involvement with the college ministry's leadership team. And it sucks, because I feel like I'm burning bridges... but that's definitely better than lying to myself and to everyone else.
I straight up tattled on my sorority for hazing. The new girls were being physically, mentally, and psychologically tortured by the old girls. And there it is again: that BS that I'm not gonna put up with any longer. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that and no one should have to prove anything to some snooty witch with a god-complex.
I'll say this for myself: since I've embraced my atheism I've grown a pair. >:] And I like it!
Last night when all of this went down, I felt so alone. I laid down in my bed and thought about how easy it would be to believe in god, that me ratting out my sisters was part of god's "divine plan for my life," and that his hand was on me in my time of need. I fell asleep kind of upset.
When I woke up this morning I felt amazing, because you know what? I made the right choice, on my own. I didn't have to lean on god for support, I didn't use the "divine plan" cop-out as my reasoning to make a hard choice. I made a hard choice because I thought critically about what was going on (hazing), who was being hurt (innocent girls who are stressed enough already), and the best way to fix the problem (report it to someone with more power in the organization than myself).
So, you know what?! BAM.
Sorry if this post seemed a tad... angry, I'm just so full of feelings! :]
I know we just recently met on the forums, but you already seem to be a pretty cool person. I'm glad your relationship is going well. He must be lucky. De-converting from Christianity to irreligion is like waking up from a dream. Things all of a sudden are different. Some people don't handle the feeling of being alone well. Others think they can act like animals because there's no "divine morality" to obey. Others, once they wake up, realize they have been alone the entire time. They realize that they have one life to live and their choices matter, that other people are not just hellfire fodder and are real people, that friendship is more valuable than a relationship with a dead man could EVER be, and that living a moral life is important. You seem to be the latter of the two types of people, for this I applaud you. Hazing is a serious thing, and i'm glad that you put a stop to it. It's nothing more than bullying. You have a lot to be proud of at the moment.
ReplyDeleteDon't apologise for being angry (or being "full of feelings" as you put it - I must borrow that euphemism some time!). Anger, properly managed and as long as it's not too frequent, be a very constructive thing. It can motivate you to fix something you believe is broken ... in you case, it helped you right an injustice. In my case, it's the basis for a blog :)
ReplyDeleteYou talked about having "grown a pair" since becoming an atheist, and I have to agree - I've always maintained that, while it's not true of all aspects of our lives, when you're an atheist you do have to be a little bit bolder, a wee bit braver, because you've basically acknowledged that you're going to die some day. Not the faith version of "die" where you just wake up somewhere else and live forever ... no, the *proper* version of "die" - dead, complete biological termination, nothing. And it's *scary* ... but it's something you *know* you have to accept because to deny it is to waste your life hoping.
Another good post ... remind me to put you on my blogroll when I get home from work!